When War Comes Home

          The beginning of this week and end of the weekend has been long and somber in our house. Yesterday, another veteran was lost. Jason knew him.. Not well, but enough to be effected. When he first saw the news via Facebook, he was silent. After asking him if he was alright, he looked at me and said, "I wish I could have been there." I have a feeling this is what most veterans were thinking when they heard of this tragic loss.

          Our prayers and thoughts are with Artem Lazukin's family and close friends as they mourn his death and celebrate his heroic life. I cannot even begin to imagine what they must be going through. Although I did not know Artem, I do know that 22 veterans commit suicide every day. And that is just a number put out there by the VA who doesn't want to admit that only 40% of the nation is represented from that number. Only 21 of our 50 states of America are reported in that statistic. That number is so much more than a statistic.. It is the death of our nation's heroes who haven't been able to transition from the battlefield to home.

The man who makes me so proud and thankful every day!

          These brave men and women so often go to the worst parts of the world and fight our battles at young ages. For example, Jason joined the Marine Corps at 17, and was injured after just turning 19. They come home after however long with more experience than most of us have ever or will ever have in our lifetime. Then, they're expected to shove all of what they have seen, done, and been through to the back of their mind in order to become a civilian again. Civilians don't want to hear the reality of what freedom demands, and most veterans don't want to share it. Most active and former military members who have experienced combat are extremely secretive about their experiences in Iraq, Afghanistan, or wherever else they served. One of the worst things someone could do would be to ask them about some of the things they've been through.

          Jason has told me that part of the extreme importance of staying in touch with former battle buddies is that they don't need to talk about one another's experiences.. They automatically know who had what job, what that job entailed, and what it's like there and here. They know the buttons to steer clear of, and the right things to say. They know when to joke about something, and when to shut up and pay respect. In our 2 years together, Jason has shared MAYBE three stories from being in Afghanistan with me.. and I'm not sure if they would even count as stories. Each one was more like three sentences completely out of the blue.. I mean, like I would be putting on my makeup and he would be in the shower. The few times I've heard a glimpse of the heart-wrenching moments my husband remembers, I stop in my tracks, and I think about it for months. I think that's why these guys keep that stuff to themselves.. They know we may not be able to handle it in a healthy way. If I ask questions, there are never answers, and I can honestly say I'm thankful for that because I believe my husband is guarding my innocence. He and other veterans need wives who's hearts are still soft, and who are completely removed and different from the wars they fought in.

          Most days, it's my blessing and job to be there to cheer Jason up when he is feeling down. I like to think of myself as his personal cheerleader, and he definitely returns the favor by being my rock. Yet, there have been days/nights when I knew I couldn't come even close to reaching the level of understanding that he needed. There are instances when he faces what seems like endless mountains of thoughts about what was and what can no longer be.. There have been times when he has fallen so far down a dark pit that I know nothing of.. I don't know the path to come save him in those moments, and I don't know the words to say to speak to his brokenness. THAT is why veterans need veterans. Those moments are why veterans need each other. No matter who else is surrounding and loving them, nothing will ever compare to the understanding they rely on from each other. When Jason has received those scary calls from his brothers over the past few years, he always seems to know when to listen and let them spout out, and when to give advice or make them laugh. Once or twice, I have seen two of his closest 3/5 buddies do the same for him. When he goes to that place (which I'm blessed to say is rarely), I usually call one of the few buddies I know he can really count on and have them talk to him. After a minute or an hour, everything is happy as ever.

           I wish I could thank everyone who has been there, not only for Jason, but for their warrior brothers. I remember some of the scariest moments of my life when Jason and I had only been back together for awhile, and the memories came flooding back to him. At that point, there had been a lot of distance between him and many of his friends. A lot of hurtful, false rumors were spread about me while we began dating. People thought I had bad intentions, and I'm not sure who was more hurt.. me, because I knew I would never be given a chance to prove myself to them, or him, because he felt that they thought he was unworthy of a good woman loving him. Anyway, a lot of buddies he loved distanced themselves from him and instead of getting to know me, they gave up on getting to know him. I'll never fully understand that time of our lives, but I have learned to forgive and realize that they probably had good intentions. They probably felt protective of someone as incredible as Jason, who they were there for during the time I was unable to be. It took awhile for us to establish who was still there for him, who accepted me for who I am, and I watched in pain as I saw him lose touch of others.

Our first house decoration!

            Things have improved significantly for us. Jason has remained extremely close with most of his friends that he served with, and they talk almost daily, even while living all over the country. He's also established new friendships with guys who have lifestyles more similar to ours, and who have chosen to see me for the caring wife that I am. However, during the months of transition, I was terrified. I did not know who would be there for Jason if something were to go down, and I knew enough to know that my love can only go so far when it comes to times when war follows him home. One night, things got really bad. I was terrified for his life, and I was angry that he was alone. I wanted someone who would understand to call him, but I know that how could they know something was even wrong? He's not the kind of guy who would reach out like that on his own. Thankfully, now, he has conquered most of those awful thoughts and has found healthy ways to deal with them. He also has a great group of friends who he can count on and whom can count on him. I also know when it's time to pick up the phone and make the call for him that he doesn't want to make.

            I didn't want to write this blog to talk about Jason, because I know him well enough to know he is not currently in a dangerous place. I wrote this entry to bring awareness to the 22 American heroes who we lose every day. Are we doing everything we can to be there? I feel that the job of civilians in this aspect is to support veterans and ensure that their daily needs are being met, and to give them due respect. Accept them for who they are, instead of trying to mold them into something they lost long ago. Family members have many responsibilities in this as well. I don't feel a need to go into that, because I think most military family members know what needs to be done in their households very well. Lastly, and most importantly, I want to emphasize how much veterans need veterans. Again, no need to give them advice, because I've seen that they've got it down better than anyone. I hope I was able to shine some light into the battles that combat service members bring home, and why it is so important that we all do our part in remembering the 22... before the end of the day.

          I know that most of you do a wonderful job of that, so please know this is in no way me saying anyone isn't! If nothing else, this is just me processing.. thinking of how I can help. Trying to think of how we can get ahead of these tragic losses. Thinking of the millions affected.. trying to find God's will in all these sorrows...

          God bless each and every one of you. Have a blessed April!