When War Comes Home

          The beginning of this week and end of the weekend has been long and somber in our house. Yesterday, another veteran was lost. Jason knew him.. Not well, but enough to be effected. When he first saw the news via Facebook, he was silent. After asking him if he was alright, he looked at me and said, "I wish I could have been there." I have a feeling this is what most veterans were thinking when they heard of this tragic loss.

          Our prayers and thoughts are with Artem Lazukin's family and close friends as they mourn his death and celebrate his heroic life. I cannot even begin to imagine what they must be going through. Although I did not know Artem, I do know that 22 veterans commit suicide every day. And that is just a number put out there by the VA who doesn't want to admit that only 40% of the nation is represented from that number. Only 21 of our 50 states of America are reported in that statistic. That number is so much more than a statistic.. It is the death of our nation's heroes who haven't been able to transition from the battlefield to home.

The man who makes me so proud and thankful every day!

          These brave men and women so often go to the worst parts of the world and fight our battles at young ages. For example, Jason joined the Marine Corps at 17, and was injured after just turning 19. They come home after however long with more experience than most of us have ever or will ever have in our lifetime. Then, they're expected to shove all of what they have seen, done, and been through to the back of their mind in order to become a civilian again. Civilians don't want to hear the reality of what freedom demands, and most veterans don't want to share it. Most active and former military members who have experienced combat are extremely secretive about their experiences in Iraq, Afghanistan, or wherever else they served. One of the worst things someone could do would be to ask them about some of the things they've been through.

          Jason has told me that part of the extreme importance of staying in touch with former battle buddies is that they don't need to talk about one another's experiences.. They automatically know who had what job, what that job entailed, and what it's like there and here. They know the buttons to steer clear of, and the right things to say. They know when to joke about something, and when to shut up and pay respect. In our 2 years together, Jason has shared MAYBE three stories from being in Afghanistan with me.. and I'm not sure if they would even count as stories. Each one was more like three sentences completely out of the blue.. I mean, like I would be putting on my makeup and he would be in the shower. The few times I've heard a glimpse of the heart-wrenching moments my husband remembers, I stop in my tracks, and I think about it for months. I think that's why these guys keep that stuff to themselves.. They know we may not be able to handle it in a healthy way. If I ask questions, there are never answers, and I can honestly say I'm thankful for that because I believe my husband is guarding my innocence. He and other veterans need wives who's hearts are still soft, and who are completely removed and different from the wars they fought in.

          Most days, it's my blessing and job to be there to cheer Jason up when he is feeling down. I like to think of myself as his personal cheerleader, and he definitely returns the favor by being my rock. Yet, there have been days/nights when I knew I couldn't come even close to reaching the level of understanding that he needed. There are instances when he faces what seems like endless mountains of thoughts about what was and what can no longer be.. There have been times when he has fallen so far down a dark pit that I know nothing of.. I don't know the path to come save him in those moments, and I don't know the words to say to speak to his brokenness. THAT is why veterans need veterans. Those moments are why veterans need each other. No matter who else is surrounding and loving them, nothing will ever compare to the understanding they rely on from each other. When Jason has received those scary calls from his brothers over the past few years, he always seems to know when to listen and let them spout out, and when to give advice or make them laugh. Once or twice, I have seen two of his closest 3/5 buddies do the same for him. When he goes to that place (which I'm blessed to say is rarely), I usually call one of the few buddies I know he can really count on and have them talk to him. After a minute or an hour, everything is happy as ever.

           I wish I could thank everyone who has been there, not only for Jason, but for their warrior brothers. I remember some of the scariest moments of my life when Jason and I had only been back together for awhile, and the memories came flooding back to him. At that point, there had been a lot of distance between him and many of his friends. A lot of hurtful, false rumors were spread about me while we began dating. People thought I had bad intentions, and I'm not sure who was more hurt.. me, because I knew I would never be given a chance to prove myself to them, or him, because he felt that they thought he was unworthy of a good woman loving him. Anyway, a lot of buddies he loved distanced themselves from him and instead of getting to know me, they gave up on getting to know him. I'll never fully understand that time of our lives, but I have learned to forgive and realize that they probably had good intentions. They probably felt protective of someone as incredible as Jason, who they were there for during the time I was unable to be. It took awhile for us to establish who was still there for him, who accepted me for who I am, and I watched in pain as I saw him lose touch of others.

Our first house decoration!

            Things have improved significantly for us. Jason has remained extremely close with most of his friends that he served with, and they talk almost daily, even while living all over the country. He's also established new friendships with guys who have lifestyles more similar to ours, and who have chosen to see me for the caring wife that I am. However, during the months of transition, I was terrified. I did not know who would be there for Jason if something were to go down, and I knew enough to know that my love can only go so far when it comes to times when war follows him home. One night, things got really bad. I was terrified for his life, and I was angry that he was alone. I wanted someone who would understand to call him, but I know that how could they know something was even wrong? He's not the kind of guy who would reach out like that on his own. Thankfully, now, he has conquered most of those awful thoughts and has found healthy ways to deal with them. He also has a great group of friends who he can count on and whom can count on him. I also know when it's time to pick up the phone and make the call for him that he doesn't want to make.

            I didn't want to write this blog to talk about Jason, because I know him well enough to know he is not currently in a dangerous place. I wrote this entry to bring awareness to the 22 American heroes who we lose every day. Are we doing everything we can to be there? I feel that the job of civilians in this aspect is to support veterans and ensure that their daily needs are being met, and to give them due respect. Accept them for who they are, instead of trying to mold them into something they lost long ago. Family members have many responsibilities in this as well. I don't feel a need to go into that, because I think most military family members know what needs to be done in their households very well. Lastly, and most importantly, I want to emphasize how much veterans need veterans. Again, no need to give them advice, because I've seen that they've got it down better than anyone. I hope I was able to shine some light into the battles that combat service members bring home, and why it is so important that we all do our part in remembering the 22... before the end of the day.

          I know that most of you do a wonderful job of that, so please know this is in no way me saying anyone isn't! If nothing else, this is just me processing.. thinking of how I can help. Trying to think of how we can get ahead of these tragic losses. Thinking of the millions affected.. trying to find God's will in all these sorrows...

          God bless each and every one of you. Have a blessed April!

To Be Alive

       

Skiing at Vail Veteran Program

          Today is my birthday, and I can't think of anything that I could possibly want or need. This has been a year full of dreams coming true, new adventures, and accomplishments. Every week my blessings list has grown substantially, and last week at Vail Veterans Program was no exception. Jason and I spent the week skiing (he kicked my a**), and connecting with veterans and caregivers. VVP is such a refreshing trip, and it is truly a blessing to have so many people gather around and help Jason, which enables me to be his WIFE instead of his caregiver. I could not be more grateful for everyone who helps put the program together! Jason and I are honored to be ambassadors and so excited to help the program!

Butterfly Kisses Dance with Dad (I was 8?)

          Today, I've decided to do something I've been afraid to do for a long time. I'm going to share my story of how I got to where I am today.. What better way to celebrate my birthday than to conquer a fear and appreciate life? I've been wanting to get brave enough to share for awhile now, but it's been a challenge because:

a) I don't know everyone who will read this 

b) Some people will think it's stupid 

3) It's hard to be vulnerable. 

          One of my wounded warrior wife friends wrote an empowering blog the other day that finally helped me build the courage to share my own story! 

You can check her's out here ----> http://turbulentsunshine.com/2015/03/08/123-go/ 

          I'm not sure where to start, so I'll start at the beginning. I was born in Colorado, to a family of 5 including me. I have two younger brothers (who are the best), and two loving parents. My childhood was full of fun.. I was homeschooled, and occasionally, my mom would let my brothers and I catch bugs and such for "science class." I spent half the time on dirt hills with the boys, and the other half dressed as a princess playing with my 18 dolls (each of which had names). 

8th grade: J+R=4evr

          Skip to middle school... 7th grade was my first year out of homeschool, and I went to a charter academy, complete with uniform. I had a rough time transitioning, mainly because I didn't fit in with the other kids. Academically, I was doing great, but I couldn't keep up with the other things the other kids had learned so much earlier. I was very naive, had no idea what weed was, and had never dated... I didn't even know about shaving until one time when all the girls were lined up during PE and I noticed my legs were the ONLY ones with hair!! *still dying inside* Anyway, I had friends, I tried to be nice to everyone, but it was pretty lonely until the next year. In 8th grade, I went to a classical academy, where I met Jason. I'll share our full story in detail another time, but we began as "best buddies" and eventually he ended up being my first boyfriend and love. I was still naive; I wouldn't even hold his hand or hug, but he meant the world to me. My parents were really strict, and they decided to homeschool me the next year. This was before Myspace or Facebook, so I was broken-hearted when I lost touch with Jason after that. 

          In 10th grade, I once again transitioned out of being homeschooled, and attended a public school for the first time. It was similar to my 7th grade experience, but worse. I had no friends, and spent a few lunches Mean Girls style... eating alone in the bathroom. The girls didn't talk to me, and the guys aimed spit-balls down my lack of cleavage. It was awful, so I transferred to a school closer to me. I ended up actually staying this time. Looking back, I can't say high school was the best either. I had a few friends, but again, never really fit in. I was in a pretty rich area, and I was definitely not one of the rich kids. The cool girls at my high school sported Juicy Couture and Pink, etc. on the reg, and the best I ever did was wear Hollister from Plato's Closet. Regardless of my lack of popularity, I always seemed to have a boyfriend. My first high school boyfriend was a "punk-rocker," who ended up being pretty much a 100% jerk. I began getting into drinking a lot with one of my boyfriends, who was older than me. He was Prom King two years in a row, and made me feel noticed and special. He is actually a great guy to this day, so I don't blame anything on him, but that's when I started getting more wild than I should have. We and his friends used to go get trashed at his house or by the lake every weekend, and I usually ended up blacking out and not remembering most of every night I partied. I would tell my parents I was at a girlfriends house for the night, and come home hungover and exhausted in the morning. 

          For a long time, my life was a never-ending string of heartbreaks and rebounds. The next guy I dated was the star football player of my high school. He was sweet, innocent, and I fell head over heels.. fast. We had a cute relationship during most of high school, and I think we both bonded a lot over not really fitting in with many of the other kids. By senior year, it was just he and I; I lost touch with the few friends I had, and spent almost every free minute with him. We'll call him "C."

The college clique :P

          Things were light-hearted and happy, and we got serious senior year. We planned out our future together: college, marriage, kids, yada-yada. C got recruited for football, and convinced me to go to the university he got a scholarship to with him. College was terrifying! I remember moving into the dorms and just knowing my whole life was about to get flipped up-side-down. I was right. The next month, before I had a chance to make any friends at college, C dumped me. My heart was broken, I was alone, and I went into a serious depression. My grades dropped, and I cried constantly. I made a few friends who would take me out to get drunk at least a few times a week, which was my only distraction from the sadness that seemed to completely surround me. 

          A month or two later, C came back into the picture. He wanted me back, I needed him back. From that point on, our relationship was a roller-coaster of instability and brokenness. We broke up at least once a week for almost two years; sometimes for five minutes, sometimes for five days. My grades continued to drop, and I continued to drink. A lot. My friends and I went out a few times a week. We would walk in heels and skimpy dresses to house parties, or the club a few miles away. I usually didn't remember walking home. It was my first time having an actual group I belonged to, and I finally felt like I really fit in. I was a mess, but I wasn't alone.. or at least not in public. 

          The downward spiral got worse when C told me about his experiences during our first big break up that I hadn't known about. We fought constantly, and our relationship became abusive in just about every way. We would swear at each other, give each other the silent treatment, and talk to other people on and off. It was a classic abusive, unhealthy relationship of codependency. We would get into blow-up arguments, and then he would pin me down to the bed, leaving bruises on my wrists. He never sexually abused me, but I was still broken by the pattern. One time he left me at a party while I was extremely intoxicated and I was taken advantage of. He would hold me up against walls, leaving bruises even on my neck, only to check them in the morning and make sure I covered it up with enough makeup before letting me leave to go to class. He would throw my stuff and break it, and even kick my 3 lb dog. One night when we were arguing about who-knows-what, he held me down and wouldn't let me leave his house. When I finally got free, he pushed me back and blocked the door. I yelled for him to let me out and called him names, then he filled up a gallon milk jug with water, grabbed my hair, and dumped it on my head. Crying and shaking, I locked myself in the bathroom, terrified. He was shouting at me from the other side of the door, telling me to unlock. I climbed out of the tiny window, and ran like hell through the city in the middle of the night, and ended up completely breaking down right behind a bowling alley. 

          I don't need to explain the rest for anyone to know what happened next, and how long it took for us to finally break up. To this day, I will always credit God with that break up, because I don't remember how it happened, and I know that it was his powerful hand pulling me out of the depths that I was too weak to pull myself out of. 

          I then moved to Kansas, where I hoped to find a fresh start. I lived with some relatives, who generously hosted me under their wings until I had enough money saved up to get my own place. You can imagine how things went after I got an apartment. I was working three part-time jobs, and trying to go to school still. I had a knack for finding trouble, and I thought I was pretty much invincible. There was plenty of booze and poor decisions. The partying started affecting not only my school AGAIN, but also my personal life and my job performance. I was hung-over at least half of the week, and exhausted during the other half. I got fired from one job after another, and started going broke. 

          I took out an extra student loan, knowing that I was going to fail the semester, just to pay for my rent for a couple months, but it wasn't enough. Without a job, and only about $50 saved, I was screwed. I spent most of it on gas, but eventually, I had to make excuses to make my friends pick me up to go out. One of the most mortifying moments of my life is when I had to tell my friends not to come inside because my roommate was sleeping (I didn't have a roommate), when actually, my lights were out. 

          That's when K came into my life. He was even more of a mess than me and he was also great at hiding it. I was desperate, and he bailed me out by paying for the part of rent I needed. I didn't realize that meant he planned on moving in. Gradually, he moved in without me really even noticing. I found out he had three kids (he was only 19), and later, I found out he was not only a drug-dealer, but also a thief, a fighter, a vandalizer, a felon, and a fugitive hiding at my house. 

          I won't go through the details, because this is getting long, but I finally hit rock bottom. I was broke, so I didn't really have a choice but to move back to Colorado. Once home, I began to very slowly straighten up a bit. I stopped dating, and cut back a little on the drinking. I was so far behind in finances and even "sobriety" that I was in major debt, and couldn't seem to catch up. I felt like an absolute failure... I was ashamed of myself, but I no longer blamed anyone else, and that was the first step to improvement. 

          During that time, I had finally realized that I needed a break from school, and worked up to a manager position at Victoria's Secret that occupied a lot of time. It got me to focus, and have at least something I was proud of myself for. I still had a long way to go, but I prayed constantly for God to show me the way. I had always had a strong relationship with him, and he had saved me over and over, but this time, I wanted him to help me save myself. I didn't want to come up out of the water for a breath, only to plunge back down. 

          God answered my prayers, just as He always answers our prayers. I don't even remember what made me think of it, but I decided I wanted to join the Navy. The recruiters were awesome, and encouraging. I placed really high on my ASVAB, and they wanted me to become a linguist. The plan was for me to first learn Mandarin, then Russian. The next day, I was shocked when my back x-ray came back as too arched. The recruiters promised they would get someone else to x-ray it the next week. That bought me time, that I now know God wanted to use. 

          BOOM... Jason came into my life. I will never forget hanging up the phone after our first phone call in eight years, and just knowing my entire life was about to change. I didn't know we were going to get married, but my entire mentality changed in every day from that moment on. I truly give all the glory to God, because He completely worked everything out after sending me Jason as my angel. I was truly saved forever this time, and I know in my heart that I will never be lost the same way I used to be again. I know it's hard to believe, but the change came easy. I think Jason just motivated me on a whole new level to be a better person and I wanted to be someone he would be proud of, whether we ended up together or not.

Fishin' & kissin' (VVP, Summer 2013)

          Sure enough, as you know, we did end up together. There is not one day that I am alive and healthy that I don't thank God for sending Jason as my compass to help keep me on track. Jason never forced me to make any changes, but he never needed to. The way he lived his life to the fullest and pushed past his limitations completely washed away my excuses. I finally began to see myself as valuable; not just to him, but to myself and to God. I pressed into my relationship with the Lord more. I completely stopped drinking excessively. Jason is a finance guy, so he helped me make a financial plan that made it possible for me to pay off my debt, and start actually saving. I went back to college, and have been earning good grades. I began working out and enjoying activities, which still give me a natural high on life. 

My beautiful family! (minus baby Beau)

           I felt the need to write my crazy story, because today is important. It is the second year of my life that I have felt truly complete. That doesn't mean I don't have things I want to improve, but it means my heart is full, and it's in the right place. God has given me direction, and Jason has helped me find purpose. I'm finally someone that I am proud of when I look in the mirror. I'm a work-in-progress, and I'm still learning things that I missed out on like trusting people and not being afraid to be myself.. I think this blog is a huge step! Everything I have been through has been worth it. I guess the point is, I found my way, and you can find yours too if you lean on God, and choose to make a change. 

           The broken person I used to be has been replaced with the person I want to be. A couple years ago, sitting in the dark at my apartment, I never would have guessed that now I would be sitting on my couch, looking out at the lake, married to my hero, mommy to 2 giant fur babies, in a beautiful home, surrounded by people I deeply care about. Thank you to every one of you who have been there along the journey; I'm so glad it's nowhere near over!! :) 

Beautiful Vail Valley slopes

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Making Time for Marriage

Hello everyone!

          School has started up again, as you may have guessed by the three or so weeks of silence on here! We have been enjoying (?) the Colorado snow, and using as an excuse to cuddle up inside. One of our sweet neighbors in our NEW neighborhood has been snow-shoveling our sidewalks every day before Jason and I even wake up. I am so grateful for this mysterious friend, and I hope they know how much I appreciate them making this girl's life so much easier!

          I guess I should mention that we are finally moved into our Homes for Our Troops house! The key ceremony was a huge success, and I bawled like a baby, as expected. It will never cease to amaze me when I see the amounts of people who have surrounded Jason and I on our daily journey. It is a beautiful thing to feel understood. These people who I've barely even met don't care that it's been 4 years since Jason's injury; they don't think twice about offering a helping hand. They seem to understand that no matter how much time has passed since his injury, we deal with the ramifications every day. As I've said before, every day is a challenge, but Jason being the positive leader that he is, and you wonderful friends make it worth it. NoCO Custom Homes did an incredible job of completing our house, and we love the thoughtful touches they added even though they didn't have to. Homes for Our Troops gave us one of the biggest blessings of our lives with this house, and our life has already become smoother since moving in! The local firefighters moved EVERYTHING for us in about 2 hours, and we are forever thankful for them and their incredible help.

          I read somewhere that moving is one of the most stressful things a family can do, and I can vouch for that fact! We may be moved in, but by no means are we settled in. I'm ashamed to say I've probably only unpacked about a quarter of our boxes! With change, comes chaos. Everything is different even just moving 40 minutes from where we were. We have to go to new places for groceries, there are new people to get to know, new neighborhood rules, hundreds of things on the "To Get" list, and even more on the "Unpack" list. With the chaos, there has been some tension in myself and Jason's marriage. Sometimes it's so easy to get carried away with the largeness of the tasks and To-Do's that you forget to enjoy the Honey I Do aspect.

          A wise person advised us to clear our schedule as much as possible, and spend less time getting stuff done, and more time just relaxing together. Is it sad that we have to be reminded of that?! I would like to think that we are not alone in this struggle. With jobs, academics, pets, chores, appointments, and all other madness, it can be so exhausting to just barely make it through the day, only to collapse next to your spouse and say goodnight. Jason and I don't want to make that a pattern, so we had to deliberately redesign our little world to revolve around us, instead of the other way around.

          We canceled a few trips that weren't absolutely necessary, scheduled our days in order to allow "us time" every evening, and Jason decided to take a break from school. Since making these difficult decisions, we have already noticed a difference. It was hard to cancel some of these trips, since we were so looking forward to them, but it has given us time to actually enjoy our new home and our new marriage. The hardest decision of all (for my worry-butt, at least) was Jason's decision to pause his college classes. He is passionate about Economics, but has plenty of investing experience, is working toward receiving his licenses, and will soon be joining a fantastic program to help him reach his goals. School is not a necessity in his career path. He will come back to it later, but right now, God has given us other plans. There have been plenty of people who don't understand that. We don't blame them, but we do stand confident in our decision.

          I guess what I have loved so much about moving to our house is what a difference it has made in our family life. We now WANT to be home, and it has given us the push we needed to make that happen more. I'm so grateful to be in an adapted house with space, where my hubby can reach glasses and plates, he has a designated prosthetic zone, he doesn't have to struggle to open doors, and where all four of us (including the fur babes) can be comfortable together. You would be surprised at how much a little space can do! ;) I am looking forward to many more years in our sweet abode, and to this year of ENJOYING each other, instead of constantly stressing and running around like crazy people! I hope that as you read this, you were able to think of what you want most out of life, and what you can do to make sure you receive it. Life is meant for living, after all! :)

Rachel Hallett

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

Joshua 24:15

Key Ceremony- one of the best days of our lives!

Beautiful view outback.

Hanger Education Fair and National Meeting, Las Vegas.
Jason spoke for the check presented from Hanger Clinic
to Wounded Warrior Project. We were feelin' hot ;)

         

If Mama Ain't Happy...

Hello World,

         As some of you know, Jason and I took a short trip to Navy Medical Center Balboa to get information about a possible arm transplant for him. We spent two days traveling, and one day at the hospital for appointments and meetings. Veterans Airlift Command provided a private jet flight for us, which made everything immensely easier! I learned way too much to remember everything, and we also got to meet some outstanding hospital employees who did everything in their power to make our trip and consultation flawless. Jason was overwhelmed with excitement of the transplant possibilities. It was rejuvenating to hear such hope in his voice. Of course, as his wife and caregiver, I worried plenty. Don't get me wrong, I was (am) thrilled, but Jason is the idealist, and I am the realist in this relationship. I'd like to think it is more of a balance than a conflict. ;)

          As doctors informed Jason on his possible options to improve function, I listened and tried to block out the voices in my head that demanded to ask, "What are the possible complications?" "How do you know this will even work?" "What if..." I tried to shut up and only ask the important questions. To my relief, every doctor, plastic surgeon, etc. gave honest answers and happily informed us of everything we needed to know. I also managed to not have a heart attack as I watched my sweet husband get literally over two dozen x-rays done of his entire body. As a caregiver, worry is something I am all too familiar with, and I know I can't be the only one. If you are someone who is blessed (or possibly cursed?) with a huge heart like mine, you know the drill. I'm definitely thinking parents are included here.. Your entire little world revolves around everyone but yourself most of the time. For a select few of us, our hearts are not only involved with the well-being of our loved one, but our jobs are too. This heightened responsibility to keep everyone healthy and happy is rewarding at best and draining at worst. 

          Some days I have it all together and move a hundred miles an hour, which is good, because it makes up for the days I can barely gather enough energy to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I've come to realize that is fairly normal, especially if your life is moving at crazy pace like mine. The most important thing I've learned to stay sane, is to remember to keep myself as the priority. Bare with me-- I know that sounds selfish, but it is quite the opposite. I take care of myself not just for me, but for Jason, and for my future. If you take care of yourself first, you will be able to take care of those around you substantially better than if you fail to do so. Finding time to take care of your OWN needs is ESSENTIAL to keeping a clear head, being productive, staying healthy, and accomplishing your own goals. The obvious needs such as healthy diet, exercise, and relaxation can very easily be thrown the curb when you're juggling a stressful life. However, if you want to keep up the pace for more than a few months without having an emotional breakdown, all of these components MUST be included in your routine. 

          So, for those of you who think you just might cry if you have to look in the mirror at your sweats and messy hair one more time, go do something for YOU. Go to the gym and take out all your built up stress on that stair-stepper. Put some Ed Sheeran on, lock yourself up in a comfy room, and read a book. Take your mind on a mini-vacation. Draw something beautiful you've seen today. Splurge on some healthy organics that will boost your week. Go get that mani/pedi you've been putting off. Whatever you need, go get it. Forget about the guilt of leaving the house (my biggest me-time interrupter)-- everyone will survive for an hour or two, and they will thank you for taking care of yourself later! The kids will love to see their mom having more energy, and your husband will enjoy your fresh hair-do. Most of all, YOU will look in the mirror and be happy with YOU. 

          Jason once told me, "The best thing you can do for me is love me." There is pure truth in that statement, and you cannot love anyone to the fullest potential unless you also love yourself. I dare you, go do something for yourself! Good, now do something for yourself every day this week. It doesn't have to be anything crazy. You can even just light a candle and enjoy a hot cup of tea before bed, but make sure you take care of you. Nothing will be more rewarding for the whole family than to see the person who takes care of them feeling confident. After all, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Keep up the good work, and enjoy life! :)


Rachel Hallett 

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

he leads me beside quiet waters,  

he restores my soul."

Psalm 23:2

Our impressive pilots with Veterans Airlift Command.

View of the Colorado Rocky Mountains from the airplane.

Coming up on the Grand Canyon.

Had to share this x-ray of Jason's arm.. He just might be a robot!

American Sniper

Happy Sunday!


         Last night, we went to go see American Sniper. As I'm sure you've been told at least a dozen times already, it was an incredible movie! I am thrilled to see movies such as American Sniper, Lone Surviver, Unbroken, Fury, etc. hitting the big screen and racking up such impressive ticket numbers. I felt an extra connection to American Sniper, as I devoured the entire book in just over a week! I spent hours over that time reading it during work outs mostly. Nothing will get you to enjoy 100 steps of stair steppers, miles of biking, or sweaty sauna stretching more than reading about an American hero! Jason also loved the movie; even more than the other recent war movies. He said he enjoyed seeing the family perspective, in addition to the military side of things. I'd like to think maybe that's because he can relate to that side now ;)

         Everyone warned me that I would be a mess the entire movie, and I was convinced they were right. Afterwards, a few people asked me what I thought of it. I was sure I'd be wrecked. On the contrary, although I absolutely recommend the film, I was not affected by it very much. I think that just shows how far I've come in this past year and a half with Jason, and how much war and recovery is part of my family life now. I was not effected by American Sniper, because I am affected by our heroes every day of the year. I feel like every moment of my life is filled with awe of these men and women who have put their lives on the line for our great country. My entire life has been shaped around the daily struggle and progress of my very own hero, and I cannot help but have monumental admiration for others who have been through similar things in war and after. 

          I was, however, affected by the reaction of everyone in the theater. Jason and I bought our tickets at least 6 hours early online so we could be sure to get good seats, then we showed up 40 minutes early. When we got to the theater, there was a line of AT LEAST 150 people waiting for various showing times. I was tense, because I have a hard time watching these movies, as so many of them hit too close to home. I also get nervous watching them because every one of those true war stories are holy ground to me, and I often find myself struggling if anyone around me is disrespectful toward Jason, or toward the memory of these heroes. 

           Sure enough, we got in this insanely long line, only to have a girl standing next to us look right at Jason, then say, "Actually, the line ends down there...." I had somehow not noticed the line wrapped around the room one more time. I'm not sure what gets into me in those moments, but I almost lost it on this clueless girl. I thought, "Do you not see this man in front of you? Someone who served and will continue to serve every day of his life for you? Do you realize that this movie you are about to see is about honoring these veterans??" Instead, I realized how little of that she would understand, so instead said sternly, "Yes, we will just go all the way back there, thank you." I have no idea what it is about that sort of ignorance that makes me lose my mind, but I think it is the fact that so many of the people standing in that line clearly thought American Sniper was just a movie you could walk into, and then go home from. For me, it's one of the stories that follows me home. Jason and I live every day of our lives with the reminder that freedom isn't free, and that true evil exists and is active. Every day, we remember those who never came home, and those who came home to their entire life being flipped up-side-down.  

          I know that I need to get over that type of thinking, because most of the time those people are truly naive, and have no idea how their words may be portrayed. I also know that Jason never expects special treatment, but I feel that he and his comrades deserve it. I've been trying to make it a point lately to be gracious, and more respectful to such individuals than they often are to us. In those moments when someone says something I find disrespectful, I have to remember all the people who have been so good to us. Those are the people worth focusing on, and those are the people who make us keep pushing to be the best we can be, as a couple, and as individuals. Taya Kyle wrote a profound thing at the end of the American Sniper book that I will never forget. She mentioned the advice that she took from the film's screenwriter, Jason Hall: "You don't want to become an old, bitter woman-- we've all seen them, the women whose faces are tight and who look at life with bitter, san eyes." So, in that moment standing in line, facing the girl who's words I found so rude, I remembered that, and I chose to change my mindset. Instead, I thought of the kind things hundreds have said to us, and then I looked around us. 

          Every show of American Sniper that night was sold out long before it even began. Thousands of people just in our little city came to be part of Chris Kyle's legacy. To me, that shows tremendous respect; not only for the heroic Navy SEAL that he was, but for other military members who have fought such battles. During the entire viewing of American Sniper, the entire crowd was completely engaged. Everyone caught every joke, everyone's faces reflected the tragic events they were watching. In my entire life, I've never seen such a dramatic reaction at the end of a movie. EVERYONE in the sold-out theater was silent; it was like walking out of a funeral. Everyone seemed to feel the power of Chris Kyle's story, and life. After opening my eyes to try to find the good in the things around me, I decided to view the packed seats as part of America's small way of saying "Thank You" to Chris Kyle, to my husband, and to the thousands of other courageous warriors among us and before us. American Sniper; The Legend, the book, the movie, and the theater experience will forever be a treasure that I cherish. 

 -Rachel Hallett

Celebrating our 6 months of being married
to the man who always finds the best version of me.

Never been so motivated during my workouts!
American Sniper got me pumped during cardio and sauna time.

         

Veteran Voices Being Heard

Hello Friends,

           Thank you to so many of you for standing with us, and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers this week as we dealt with VA/prosthetics issues. I'd like to think that all of our voices were heard, and that maybe someday the VA will make veterans benefits more easy to access. The good news is that we are leaving OKC today with Jason in his new socket, which means he will be WALKING out of the airport! Hanger Clinic was extremely helpful in working with us to make sure Jason's needs were met. The bad news is that we are still waiting for the socket to be paid for by the VA. So far, it sounds like they are going to approve it and pay for it, we're just hoping for sooner than later. By no means am I trying to bash the VA, I'm simply pointing out the fact that some of the red-tape needs to change. Veterans should not need to fight so hard for access to their benefits that they already fought and served our country for.

          Yesterday, a reporter from OKC's 9 News Channel, Steve Shaw, reached out to us after an anonymous source emailed him my previous blog post. We were honored to interview for the channel and share our story. Once again, the point of our interview was not to complain, but to bring attention to serious issues at hand that have a troubling effect on our lives and the lives of so many other veterans and their families around America. I understand that there is need for authorization and the VA should never hand out free money, but I believe that each veteran case is unique, and ought to be treated accordingly. If a veteran is missing three limbs and has constant issues with prosthetics that show up without warning, he should not have to make an appointment at a VA 2 hours away, then wait weeks for the appointment, then wait months for papers saying that the prosthetics care they need is or possibly is not approved. Every time that happens, that means months out of legs, sitting in a wheelchair. That pushes progress back, and means starting from scratch every time.

           No one wants to be that aggressive, demanding person, but in this case, I feel that we did not have a choice. I felt backed into a corner that was only possible to escape by fighting at every possible angle we could think of. It makes me uncomfortable to have be so stern when it comes to Jason receiving his benefits, but as long as that is the only option, it's not a choice I get to make. I know that Jason, as well as thousands of other veterans, proudly served our country, trusting that our country would take care of them when they came home. I only hope that our country rises up to meet that responsibility. No hand-outs or frivilous charges, only justice and needs that these veterans have earned and were promised would be fulfilled.

Here is Jason's clip from last night's OKC 9 News! God bless!

War Veteran Travels From Colorado To Oklahoma For Help- News9.com



-Rachel Hallett

"This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'Administer true justice; 

show mercy and compassion to one another.'" 

Zechariah 7:9

OKC 9 News Interview- Steve Shaw and Jason Hallett

 

A couple badass USMC veterans getting prosthetic work done at Hanger Clinic

Jumping Through Hoops (Or Even Just Walking)

Hello again, friends!

          Jason and I are on a routine prosthetics trip to Hanger in Oklahoma City. We just got off the phone after a disappointing call with the VA, and are trying to make the best of an unfair situation. It is so hard to watch the man that I love and whom I see literally sweat every day just to get around the house be treated so poorly. I understand that he "volunteered" to do his job in Afghanistan, and I know he is proud, as he should be, of serving in the military, but I am appalled at the way he is treated after the sacrifices he made for our country. What makes me even more furious is knowing the he is, by no means, the only hard-working veteran out there who is being neglected by our government. I wish I could do so much more! To explain the current situation, I will have to give you a little lesson on his amputations...

          Jason has been walking so much that he has lost volume in his left leg, so he needs to get refit and have his socket replaced with one that won't come loose every time he sits down or moves around. It's hard to explain these sorts of things to anyone who hasn't dealt with amputees, but to put it simply, a "socket" is the upper part of the prosthetic leg that attaches to whatever is left of the amputated limb. It is one of the most crucial parts of using any type of prosthetics, since everyone has a unique shape and size. Having a socket that fits correctly  is essential to keep the prosthetics attached and functioning. See? You learn everything new every day! But you're not done yet...

          One more lesson on understanding Jason's leg, and some others' as well. Jason has some extreme Heterotopic ossification, more commonly known as bone growth or "HO" on his left leg. HO is a process in which bone tissue forms outside of the skeleton. There are all sorts of different types, but Jason has serious issues with bone growth on his left leg. Almost the entire inner thigh is full of it, and even some of the most experienced prosthetists in the country have said it's one of the worst cases they've ever seen. The easiest way I can think of to explain it, is to imagine a clump of bumpy concrete. That's what his bone in that area feels/looks like from the outside. Now imagine stretching a thin strip of fabric tightly over it. That is what his skin in that area reminds me of.

          Stay with me, I promise there's a point here! Okay, so to wrap up this lesson on the anatomy of Jason, he has sockets that attach to both of his legs for prosthetics. However, on the left leg, we have struggled for a long time trying to find a socket that would not rip that thin layer of skin covering the HO. There have been dozens of times that the pressure from his sockets caused his skin to rip, exposing his actual bone on the left side. Last year, we thankfully began working with Hanger Clinic out of Oklahoma City for prosthetics. They have given us a new hope for progress, and have helped shine light into our world when things were looking pretty dark. Jason's specific leg prosthetist has worked over time many days to find creative and unique ways to help Jason with his tricky leg situation. After just over 9 months, Jason's prosthetist created the first socket to EVER work for him without ripping his leg up! That new fit had Jason walking almost every day during the end of the school semester.

          After all that walking, his leg lost some volume since he was using it so much, so we needed to return to Oklahoma to work on another functional socket. So, thanks to Wounded Warrior Project (who pays for our flights/hotel stays during these business trips), here we are in OKC ready to get some work done. Then, BOOM, disappointment hit. Today, we were informed that the paperwork for Jason's new socket has not been approved by the VA. We called the PT contact, and Jason's case manager at the Cheyenne VA, only to be told that they will not approve any "major changes" such as this new socket unless he comes into the Denver prosthetics office in person, even though we are out of state, and needing work done ASAP. The way we were spoken to on the phone was degrading and offensive, but the least of our concerns. Really, all we want is for Jason to be able to walk.

          The PT contact we spoke with continually said, "I understand your frustration/situation, etc..." as he continued to deny or help find any type of solutions. Finally, I lost it. I said, "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt, but until you are in a wheelchair unable to use anything but three fingers, please never tell me that you understand again." I'm just glad I was recording the phone call so that I kept my cool to some degree. Maybe I should feel guilty about this, but I don't. I don't feel bad for the times that I've been infuriated by the lack of VA care. I don't feel bad when we ask for people to do their jobs. I don't feel bad when we demand to utilize our rights. I don't feel bad for expecting more for our veterans. I cannot comprehend how it has to make my husband feel to have to fight for EVERYTHING he has..including wheelchairs, prosthetics, education, and dentist appointments. (The VA has recently also tried to discontinue his education benefits.)

          I can't think of many things that kill me inside more than seeing the lack of respect and appreciation so many people have for the sacrifice my husband and others made for THEM. Countless VA and other personnel have made it damn near impossible for Jason to access his promised benefits and care, even though he is one of the few who was willing to give his entire life to protect THEIR rights and freedom. I apologize for the venting in this blog, but I do hope that you will all read it, just to understand the VA system a little more, and to encourage you to assist veterans. I cannot even imagine what would happen if I were not around. Jason would rather walk away sometimes and settle for the bare minimum than make the dozens of calls it takes to get help, but as his wife and caregiver, I will not back down until he gets what he needs. So, that is precisely what I will do in this case as well, as always. I will do everything in my power to ensure that my veteran is treated with the respect he deserves, and to help him better himself- whether that be walking on prosthetics or going to school. I pray that each of you reading this will stand with our heroes, and reach out to veterans around you to make sure their voices are being heard, and their needs are being met. Please be someone they can come to and count on.

          I'm truly thankful for all the people in our lives who have been here for us, and have helped us in ways that the VA would not. Thank you to so many of you for helping us move, providing equipment to help Jason, and even for just showing him how much you care. The VA can say "they understand" all they want, but it's kind people like you, friends, who SHOW us every day through your sincere actions. Please know that we are forever thankful for your efforts, and that there are hundreds of other veterans, wounded warriors, and their family members who could use some extra help. So far, I've contacted two senators, and am waiting to hear back from the VA tomorrow in hopes of the socket approval that they have said is "in no way guaranteed." If it is not approved tomorrow, Jason may be off legs and bound to his wheelchair indefinitely. Please stand by us, especially Jason, in thoughts and prayers as we work hard to try to fix this mess by tomorrow. We know we can count on you, and we love you for that!!

Rachel Hallett

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act."

Proverbs 3:27

       
       

The one and only Jason Hallett, who never gives up, and never stops fighting.